Burnout broke me open, then put me back together

Four years on a high-velocity team. The breakdown didn't look like one — it looked like productivity, until it didn't.

The path, in milestones.

1. 2022

   On-call became identity

   I was proud of my Slack response times. I scheduled therapy around standups. The day I cried in a one-on-one I was still apologising for the inconvenience.

   Lesson: Pride in unsustainable behaviour is the last warning.
2. 2023

   Six weeks of doing nothing

   Took medical leave. First two weeks I tried to 'optimise my recovery'. Then I let it be boring. Walks, library books, no phone before noon.

   Lesson: Recovery resists productivity. That's the whole point.
3. 2024

   Came back at 70%

   Negotiated four days a week, no after-hours pager. Shipped more in a quarter than the year before. Nobody noticed I was working less. They noticed I was kinder.

   Lesson: Bandwidth was never the bottleneck. Attention was.